Admirable is Enviable

Admirable is Enviable

“Neighbour’s envy, owner’s pride”. This was the line used in the advertisement for Onida TV many years ago. Most probably it was their advertisement for launch of the product. Whatever it was, I do remember one thing related to that advertisement: I simply hated it. There were, rather are, as I still feel the same, two reasons for that. I was a kid (studied in Class-V) at that time and the visual effect of that advertisement affected me nauseatingly. Secondly, I didn’t quite agree with the inherent philosophy. To me envying is a negative trait and pride if not tempered, takes the form of ego, again something, which I only like, till the extent it symbolizes self-respect. To me the optimum, limiting and acceptable value of ego is respect for self. Thus far and no farther. It prevents me from being spineless and at the same time helps me to respect others. While in excess of it, will make me an egoist and a snob. Hence the proud use of “pride” and “envy” was not acceptable to me. Little did I understand about “catch lines and phrases”, which, I do now. Though I still stick to my feelings! I can’t envy anybody’s pride!

Well, my esteemed readers and more specifically who have been kind enough to go through my earlier posts, might wonder as to why I am wandering away from my normal areas of concern, that I deal with through my words? Why this departure from the sensitive issues: affecting our society and the country as a whole? Rest assured. I haven’t become insensitive, even to the slightest extent. It actually pertains to a promise I had made to all my readers, would-be, at that time.

In my introductory blog, “Hope to be Read”, I did promise that I shall frequently post my views on the condition that you all will frequent my URL to read my blogs and thus catalyse my subsequent regular posting of views. You all have kept my request, which is evident from the web page views recorded for the respective blogs and I am sure you will continue to do so. And I expect many more new valued readers to visit my web page in the days to come too. But it is I who has failed to keep my end of the bargain. Encouragement I am not lacking, but somehow I have not been able to write as frequently as I would have liked. I apologise for that and for the future as well, because the trend shall continue, in all probability.

Since the intention is there but not the results to vouch for that, I analyzed the malady and its cause. Malady is how I look at it.
As I have stated already encouragement is there. Furthermore I love to write as it takes me to some other world totally and ideas I am not lacking in. In fact they are aplenty. All these factors should have catalysed my writing frequent blogs as promised. But that hasn’t happened. Is it then a case of “malady of excesses”?
It seems to be so! There are so many ideas in the anvil simultaneously that I am failing to prioritize them. Too many ideas craving too come out all at once, the consequence being an outcome akin to a severe traffic jam! None is allowed movement out of the brain!

Apart from that there is another factor that is contributing to the cause. As you all might agree, I am too inclined towards writing on serious stuff. Too thought provoking. I can’t help it as it comes naturally to me in keeping with my bend of mind. As a consequence, it fails to frequently provoke me to write! An excess of deep thinking goes behind each of my posts that leaves my brain exhausted. It takes too much out of me. Thus in spite of the intentions I do not get the adequate driving force for writing frequent blogs. I need time to regroup my thoughts and recharge the cells of my brain before I can again write something meaningful, which satisfies me. The intensity dips and surges periodically forming a wave like pattern for intensity. This makes me a hopeless blogger because I had heard that blog is an online diary. Entries should be made in a diary daily. At least that is what happens with a conventional paper diary.

Last but not the least, the fact that writing is not my profession also has a significant role to play. It is a passionate hobby. And hobbies are attended to only in spare time. Though I must admit that I do accord more time to it than that! Furthermore, I am a teacher. That too by choice and not by default. Whence naturally I love my job very much and am no less passionate about that as well. Teaching to me is a process that requires evolving continuously. The problems faced by students catalyses the improvement of teachers. At least my experiences bear ample evidence of that. Well that is besides the point but what is not is the fact that teaching is not robotic job. For that there is no fixed software to improve and maintain the efficiency of teaching and the teacher. It is an outright profession of “deep thinking” and expressing in as lucid a manner as possible. Thus one part of the brain is engaged 24x7 (of course as the involvement of the sub-conscious cannot be ruled out) in matters pertaining to the academic growth of both self as well as the students. The residual portion of the brain not only has to take care of the penchant for sustaining the hobby but also cannot ignore other things that are important for life sustenance. That means too diluted an attention can be accorded to it. It is how things work for me.
So I thought that before I can write something in my natural genre, in the now synonymous (with me) style, it is better for me to apologise for maintaining an irregular online diary.

But then this doesn’t mean that the people who post blogs regularly are any less busy. In all probability it is just the reverse if not more. My mental make-up limits my all-round efficiency and thus frequency of the blogs. Of course I don’t have any regrets but I do regret promising something that I could not fulfill.
That is why I really admire those who churn out philosophical and social/national awareness generating literary beauties at regular intervals. They do so effortlessly and without much time consumption. Nor do they require much preparation time belting out piece after piece with very little time gap in between.

Very often when one wants to possess the qualities that others have but fail to, it generally ends up in envy towards the person and the capabilities. I too would love to be endowed with the qualities of my fellow writers, but I don’t envy them. Rather I admire them. This blog is a tribute their quality. Had I too been blessed with the same I might not have realized its importance and this piece wouldn’t have resulted.
It is true that generally admirable qualities end up being enviable ones. But to me admiring something admirable is commendable (as is against the normal human nature!) while envying (a normal human reaction!) that which is admirable is not admirable is at all; rather pitiable. “And this nature of mine is neither a matter of pride for me nor should it be a cause of envy to others”! Whence, though admirable is enviable, it is definitely not advisable.

Sushmita Mukherjee,
17th July 2009